I miss you.
D, my son, I miss watching you at Rugby and scratching your head over a maths problem. I miss the sound of your snores at night and the stomp on the stairs as you rollick down to breakfast and tackle the new day head on – as you’ve done since you were a toddler. I miss watching you gambol in the pool like a baby hippo. I miss listening to you singing to yourself on the toilet and I miss watching you moon-walk through the loungeroom. I miss watching you head off to school each day with a huge smile on your face and watching you walk in from school with the same smile still in place. I miss tripping over your skateboard, BMX, footballs, basketballs, cricket balls and bike helmet every time I walk into the garage. I miss watching you watching TV, scratching the dog’s ears as he spreads out over the couch. I miss kissing you goodnight and stroking your hair while you sleep. I miss your belly laughs and the tight, strong ‘Man Hugs’ we give each other
N, my beautiful girl, I miss your grumpy face in the morning with your hair all tussled from sleep. I miss your teen ways –even though I don’t understand them at times. I miss working with you on a school assignment and watching the light in your eyes when you ‘get it’. I miss your hair straightener, your self-tanning creams, face creams, eye creams, shampoos, conditioners, nail varnish, nail varnish remover, razors, sprays, lotions and oils that have pushed my lonely razor and shave brush out of the bathroom cabinet. I miss mopping up the bathroom floor because you step straight from the shower before reaching for your towel. I miss the sound of your unrestrained, crazy laughter when something really tickles your funny bone. I miss the site of you, long legs all over the place, curled up in a chair chatting with your friends on MSN. I miss our hugs and hearing you tell me you love me. I miss kissing your cheek each night while you sleep and saying the same words I’ve said to you since you were a baby.
L, my wife, I miss you so much I feel I’ve lost an arm. I do not feel complete without you by my side. I am missing the best part of me – the part that is compassionate, gentle, forgiving and loving. I miss holding you and the smell of your hair, the feel of your breath against my cheek and touch of your hand. I miss being elbowed at night when I snore. I miss our 7-second hugs that just make everything right, no matter what it is. I miss the look in your eyes when I kiss you goodnight and the warmth of your body close to mine on a cold night. I miss you telling me to get over myself. I miss you slapping my hand away when I try to steal a fresh-baked biscuit off the tray and I miss those biscuits. I miss our date nights, having a drink and talking like old friends, comfortable and close. I miss watching you steal an occasional cigarette and smoking it furtively on the balcony thinking no-one can see you. I miss watching you doze on the couch at the end of a long day. I miss your energy and your endless optimism. I miss lots of other things the kids shouldn’t even know about for another ten years (at least). I miss my friend, my lover and my companion.
Why am I writing this on the blog? Simple: I want anyone who happens along to my little spot in cyberspace to know what you mean to me. I’ve been thinking just what an extraordinary family you are and how lucky I am to have you. L, S and D I am nothing without you. You have made me into the man I am today. You have stuck with me through the hard times and the bad times and you have helped me find myself and, finally, some inner-peace. Thank you for being mine. I love you, miss you, need you.